its official...
I have given up gambling. Tonight was my last night. I lost yet again in Missouri and so does everyone else I seem to speak with. As I was driving home, I thought of all the money that could be used for other things. Furthermore, I can be more productive with other things in life.

very tired today...
Didnt get much sleep tonite. Worked til about 7pm. Had Einstein's for lunch and a lasagna frozen meal for dinner. I can't believe Im going to bed and its only 8:40pm. how sad!
Still too much on my mind. I shall write more later.

an excellent wife, who can find???
Psalm 31:10 states. further descriptives are
v. 11 "the heart of her husband trusts in her..."
and
v. 12 "she does him good and not evil all the days of her life."
and the killer verse
v.30 "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, BUT a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

why concentrate on these verses right now??? Because my heart and eyes cry out for someone I dont see in this light anymore. I've been blind far too long now. God help me!!!! God help me please. I really dont know what to do right now. Please help me. Protect me and watch over me. Help me find the words to read. Bring my heart peace and joy. For I do not want to wear ash and sackcloth anymore beyond today.

Finding out the Truth...
Sometimes you just want to find out what the truth is.
Sometimes you dont, because, it'll hurt you to the inmost being.

I am in a loss for words tonite. Deeply wounded. Troubled. And a fear that nothing will change.
I dont have any answers and I dont feel like praying.

God, just show me what to say, what to do, where to go from here.
I just dont know what to do

on a side note...
how about them Pittsburgh Steelers?!?! Woohoo!
Don't call it a come back.

Christ in you is hope for glory...
The message today from Colossians. Think about it and repeat it to yourself.

Christ is in you and actively working in your life when you accept Him. Its a full fledge battle that has been won. You may not see it yet, but thats the reason for the second half of the phrase....hope for glory. Don't forget what Christ has done for you. He's gone to death on the cross to save you, us, me from eternal death....so that we might live. What is the cost of that blood to you? How much does that mean to you?
so, fight for it!
Hope...one of three to cherish...Hope, Faith, and Love.
Never let hope fade away. If you do, then you will forget about the light and fall into darkness and then into despair and then forget about the glory. God indeed has great plans for you, us, and me. One day to be in Heaven. One day do be glorified and freed of all sin forever. So, dont lose hope.
Never stop fighting!