Relationships...
I've been doing a lot of pondering in this area as of late. I'm wondering why I don't have that many close friends, just a ton of friends. Recently, it just seems that when I need to talk to someone, no one is really there for me. All I need is someone to listen. Actually, to really care about me, which is to listen, make a tough comment, and encourage and keep accountability. Somewhere in the past, I messed up. I tried to think when that might have been, but I can't think of one particular occurrence. So, I'd have to assume that its been a slow digression.

So for me to be aware:
God: we've been close before, but I've been on the beaten path and very anxious to go home to see all the great things about to occur there. Definately needs mending and growth and development.

Mom & Dad: getting better but running out of personal time with them. They're moving to Shanghai soon.

Deb: Haven't been the greatest brother to her, but with God's grace hoping to be like her. Now, isn't that weird! =P I just feel like I've let her down and I'm not giving her enough time and not being real, open, honest with her more often. And, I should give her more time of my day.

Jenni: Definately the most complicated friendship/relationship I've ever had. Wish I could have been better for her, but I failed in my walk. Still confused about her. Quite puzzled as to why I hold her so high up, but she treats me like "dirt" ( a more wholesome word choice).

Amy: Always try to share, but now is too busy or just she's being "flaky".

Ray: The most dependable friend, but just too busy.

Josh Koh: Moved away and it hasnt been the same.

Old Guys: Just hit or miss there.

And for those I've missed. I just don't have that much time to type.

I don't know where to go from here, but to start all over in making "true, healthy friendships". I've had this conscience of mine tell me I need to go to God and strengthen that relationship first. For when that relationship is healthy, all my other relationships will fall into place. so, I'll keep you all posted.